iFat

iFat, I’m fat, fat , fat, FAT! And nothing reminds one of how FAT they are more than HEAT! We heat up fast, move less and wear less. Wearing less becomes a constant reminder of what I’m embarrassed about or how big my tummy roll REALLY IS. I think it’s easy for me to be in denial of how fat I really am because my clothes kinda hide it. I mean, I’m still xyz big but the yucky detains of it stay under the radar like how my thighs rub together or how much of my jelly roll I can grab. I know this is probably too detailed for some of you, I know I’m gettin’ sick.
So what now? Back on “the wagon”… *sigh*… it kinda seems pointless because I always try hard and do well and fail around week 3. I swear I’ve done that like 10x.  I know you’re probably thinking there are other issues at play. I thought that too so in the last few years I’ve tried hard to work through all my “issues” psychologically. I know I eat out of anxiety sometimes and I’ve reduced my anxiety almost completely. I’ve educated myself about nutrition and the importance of calorie counting. On top of all this I’m at an amazing point in my life where all my worries have gone away and all my dreams (well, the realistic ones) have come true! I am the happiest I’ve ever been (no, I’m not on anti-depressants, this is the real deal). The only thing left is weight loss. I feel like I’m the most “in shape” a person who loses weight can be but not physically. I’ve  even checked with doctors to make sure my body isn’t working against me. IF ANYTHING my blood sugar was a little high in 1/3 checks and I’m iron deficient.  I take iron pills and only feel “tired” when PMSing. So, what’s wrong? WHY???? I think I lose motivation cuz I get stressed. This time round my Sweety will go to the gym with me but a limited amount of times. This will be good on those days that I don’t feel like going. We shall see….